Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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