maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
