Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
