he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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