Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
