i just wanna soil my oats bro
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
