No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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