Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
