what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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