I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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