i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
