I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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