If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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