Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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