just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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