margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
