didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's never too late to be topless.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
