i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
