this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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