walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
