I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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