I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
