When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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