i was rollin on her like bob the builder
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
