I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
