Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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