i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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