I can text with my tongue
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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