Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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