Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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