I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Let's get the cat blown out
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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