I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
