I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
