well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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