Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
