Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize