did you get engaged???
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
