Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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