and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
