Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
