Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
