Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
