Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
