My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
