Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
