I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
