I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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