well most of my day revolves around power hour
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I touched a dick in church today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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