Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this just has baby written all over it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
