i think my mom watched the whole time
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
