ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
