I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
