I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
