Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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