I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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