I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
