Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do herpes really smell.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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