would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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