I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
