I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
