He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
