Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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