Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
