I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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