My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
