How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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